Dont expect me to share your "I love Jesus" message on facebook. I love Jesus. Jesus hasn't logged on to Facebook...Ever. God doesn't even have an account. Telling me to "repost if you believe" only appeals to folks who still send chain letters. With a stamp. The same people who are still waiting on something great to happen to them at 12:01 AM every day. Wake me up if it happens. I'll be asleep. - Original Facebook Follies
I don’t even know if this feature existed four years ago, but since the Follies I’ve discovered the “UNFOLLOW” feature on Facebook. It’s a game changer, allowing you to remain “friends” (I use that term oh, so loosely) with someone but never see anything they post. I have something like 500 friends and only follow 17, selective people.
If you feel a little overwhelmed – and a lot annoyed - when you log onto Facebook, follow these simple steps to weed out the cringe-worthy fodder.
Anyone still taking selfies out of boredom: UNFOLLOW
It’s one thing to show a new haircut (looks great!), yourself visiting an interesting place (wish I was there!), prove healthy makeover progress (I'm constantly amazed as what people can accomplish) or anything with a group that involves a selfie stick (yes, selfie sticks promote team building, or something).
But it’s another thing to post a selfie only to solicit attention.
You stage the selfie, retake the selfie six times, edit the selfie, post the selfie, then compulsively check the selfie to see how many likes it got. Then post about being tired.
You’re tired? You’re bored?
Have you tried not taking a selfie and taking a nap, instead?
Because I’ll tell ya, we’re all exhausted, too.
Anyone who constantly posts articles based off sensationalism: UNFOLLOW
There are some ridiculous articles or images in circulation regarding things that Americans truly worry about: food production, politics, self-awareness and the environment. Do people actually believe what they read on Facebook?! And why do they share it? It's one thing to spread a message you may believe in; it's another to click "share" before even considering the validity. Here is a recent screenshot:
Do you really think these foods would still be on the shelf if there were any carcinogenic concerns? Think before you share. Don’t scare other parents. They have enough to worry about.
**Also, disagreeing with someone doesn't always warrant an unfriend/unfollow. Sometimes the best way to learn is to observe what the "other side" (in any matter) shares. You may not always agree, but you can always be respectful.
Anyone who constantly shares misquotes: UNFOLLOW
Shakespeare tweeted just last week that this makes him very angry.
Buddha retweeted it – so you know it’s true.
Anyone who posts a photo of a baby still covered in afterbirth: UNFOLLOW
I shouldn’t have to explain this. There is a time and a place. Shut off your phone.
Abuse of #blessed: UNFOLLOW
Life’s blessings can some in a lot of different forms and it think it is wonderful when folks recognize that. But when everything - everything - in your life is described as #blessed, it’s kinda hard for the rest of us to keep up. Especially when you’re #blessed enough to use #blessed regularly to promote personal success. Constantly. Sometimes you being #blessed has nothing to do with your success. Most who abuse #blessed (there is a difference in using it and abusing it) don't even explain how the #blessing has changed their heart or their life. Not everything is a #blessing. Sometimes it’s a result of hard work or money. Bless your heart.
Over use of lol: UNFOLLOW
Some people really do intend to “laugh out loud” when they use “lol”.
But the large majority who “lol” just typed something that they’re not completely confident in, so they end the statement awkwardly. Lol.
We're all on to you, repeat offender. Lol.
I’d love to use some screenshots, but I know the guilty read the blog. Lol.
Weekly #MCM and #WCW posts: UNFOLLOW
If you have to publically renew your shaky pseudo-vows with your (in)significant other on a weekly basis, you have more issues than just picking which photo to post. Besides, everyone already knows you have a perfect relationship. Except for those who know you in real life.
Constant sales pitches: UNFOLLOW
While I admire your entrepreneurial spirit, please, I’m begging you: Quit directly asking me to soak it, cover it, wrap it, drink it, shake it or burn it. There was one week that I received three messages from the same person asking me to join three different teams. Your products seem to really produce results but your sales pitch makes me want to take a nap. Trust me, I've bought my share of burners and Spark; but the constant invites to change my life through a lotion really wear me out. It is discouraging to never hear from someone for years, then suddenly they want to sell you something. Good luck! I expect you to be 30 inches thinner, self-employed, wrinkle free and driving a Lexus the next time I see you.
And on that note I’ll wrap it up. No pun intended.
Keep these ideas in mind next time your news feed needs a shake down. Facebook can be a really powerful tool if you actively control what you see. Believe it or not, I've stuck to these guidelines so closely, I rarely see any political slander in my newsfeed. What a relief! Can you say #blessed?
Lets end this on high note. Facebook usually does a great job of inserting personal interest groups into my timeline. This little ditty showed up just yesterday:
You got it wrong, Facebook,
you got it all wrong.