Can I share with you the worst advice my brave, admirable, amazing, handsome father has ever given me?
Dad and Laura
5/10/08
(total sap-heads)
“If it’s free, take two”
No, Dad.
False.
Incorrect.
Wrong.
But because I took this shoddy advice, I have an entire drawer in my bathroom dedicated to the Holiday Inn. Soap, shower caps, shampoo and conditioner that WILL break off your hair, if you give it the opportunity - trust me. When I was very young I thought we were rich because we had towels with an “H” on them. What did the “H” stand for? I had no idea, I never questioned it - I just knew the H was there - and the H was on the soap, too...Fancy!!
I also have, under my spare bedroom bed, a Beck's Hybrids bag full of goodies. Oh yes, all the good things in life: key chains, nail files, pocket tablets, dried up ink pens and solar calculators with buttons so small I’m not sure I could have navigated them when I was four years old. You better believe there is at least two of everything in that bag that I still hang on to from the 2000 Farm Science Review. Why? Because it was free, so my genetics tells me it’s worth something.
In my basement is a box I scored (fact: there was no winning involved) from the last auction I went to. It was the last box left on the block and no one wanted it...which makes it free....so of course I grabbed it quicker than those crazy people from Mississippi who reach Walmart at 12:30pm the day before Thanksgiving just so they can get their grubby hands on the 5-inch portable DVD player made by Xechi-tron-tastic.
It contains two garden hose nozzles that spray every direction but north, a toaster oven lacking an electric cord, a framed photo of a small child (sex: questionable) that has likely been dead for 80 years, a creepy figurine of a man sitting in the moon smoking a pipe and three limbs off an artificial Christmas tree.
In my defense, I’m always looking for a good sprinkler, I think I know someone who can put a cord on the toaster oven, I could hang the dead child photo up in my hallway and act like it was family (if I wasn’t afraid it would haunt me) and you can always use extra tree limbs to fill in the bare spots in an artificial tree. Except, some idiot thought it would be nice to hot glue fake Cardinals to each limb.
Don’t misunderstand, I’m grateful for Dad’s advice, kind words, tough lessons and big hugs over the years. I’m just saying, had he not told me “If it’s free, take two” when I was about five, I would have a lot more space in this tiny house.
On the other hand, I would have had additional expenses my frugal, freshman year at Purdue:
Shampoo, Conditioner and Soap.
I think every family has a few bars of soap and the shower caps. If you don't want them you can give them to organizations that collect toiletries to send overseas for our soldiers and women shelters collect them
ReplyDeleteI seriously need a dose of you everyday. Please blog daily. My soul needs it.
ReplyDeleteMy dad was infamous for picking up the (hopefully unopened) ketchups, salts, peppers and any other condiment from the room service trays left in the hallway. His theory - if you didn't want it why not take it. Very few room service trays or unattended house keeping carts were ever safe from him! Great Post!
ReplyDeleteMy dad was infamous for picking up the (hopefully unopened) ketchups, salts, peppers and any other condiment from the room service trays left in the hallway. His theory - if you didn't want it why not take it. Very few room service trays or unattended house keeping carts were ever safe from him! Great Post!
ReplyDeleteMy dad was infamous for acquiring the (hopefully unopened) ketchup, salt, peppers and any other condiments that were left on room service trays in the hallway. He figured that if you ordered the room service and didn't take them with you - then it was your loss. When we traveled there was rarely a room service tray or housekeeping cart that was safe from a perusing by my dad.
ReplyDeleteI, too, am a hoarder of hotel soaps & shampoos. But, I've found a couple of uses for those items. Hotel shower caps are awesome when home-coloring your hair, and they also work when traveling to keep the soles of your shoes covered so they don't get your clothes nasty in the suitcase. Other mini-toiletries are great when visitors come around (in my case, those of the niece/nephew variety). And if you're looking to spring clean and get rid of them, you can contact a local shelter for the homeless, for those escaping domestic abuse, or for those battling addiction. Typically they make "Personal Packs" for new admissions and can always use those.
ReplyDelete