Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Which McDonald's Dollar Menu Item Are You?

I've noticed a trend on social media as of late. 
Posts about pumpkin spiced lattes? Nope. 
Fall family photo shoot sharing? Nope. 
High school, college or NFL football scores, updates, rants or stadium pictures? Nope. 

Strange, impersonal, non-scientific quizzes. 

It is an interesting phenomenon that asks individuals to reveal a few preferences - such as what style of hat they favor - and just like that it's as though the internet gods can judge this person and interpret their destiny. 
Instantly, the person taking the quiz can learn who they're most like, what career fits them best, what their stripper name could have been, what breed of cow they may be in the next life and even what their name means. 

I'm serious.
These quizzes are very real, 
very accessible 
and very, very accurate. 

Except, if you're truly curious as to the meaning behind your name, it may be easiest to ask your mother. There is a good chance she knows why you're named what you are. And, she may even reveal that your father originally wanted to name you Jasmine but during a last-minute K-Mart run for baby things, the cashier's name was Jasmine and K-Mart Jasmine couldn't make six dollar change from a ten dollar bill. Just like that, your fate was altered. See, no ten-question online quiz could have told you that. 
Or could it........?

Have you seen these quizzes?
Do you take them?

Vocabulary size? 
Do you suppose "capacity", "depth" or "scope" would have been a better fit in that sentence?

My guess is that 90% of the results include some form of Feather, Little, Moon and River. 
I was hoping for Little Blonde River but the quiz revealed I'm actually 
Big Mountain Thighs.
What Ever.

This needs to be assessed by your best friend
Not your husband, not your kids and not your boss. 
Your husband hears the things you talk about in your sleep, 
your kids test you when you've not slept in days 
and your boss determines your pay scale right after 
cramming 49,549 expectations down your throat. 
Your best friend is the only one who can 
admit that you're bat-shit crazy then 
make up for it by complimenting your hair. 
This tests mental state. 

I'm serious, Katie - I really do. 

This is unfortunate. 
Get a hobby. 
And some grip on reality and real-world affairs. 
I'm very serious. 

What disturbs me most about these generic quizzes is the desire people have to take them.
At all. 
Why is that? 
They say a lot about the type of culture we've become, one begging to figure out just who we really are. 

With every bland assessment, people long to learn more about themselves, hoping to find a piece of them they've never known before. Something more that they hope(d) to be

"I never would have thought I was most likely to die in a fiery skateboarding crash in Malibu....
I always have liked the ocean................"

It's as though we're craving a way to dive into the the deepest parts of ourselves to find this new person, calling or even past -----

---- Rather than build upon the person we are now and the character we contain. 

When did distraction from reality become such a normalcy? What happened to living in the here and now and building your own future and determining your own character rather than taking the easy way out and letting a 10-question quiz drive your ship?

Get a grip, people. Come back to reality and find a better way to learn about yourself. Read books, begin writing, spend time alone, turn off anything that has an on switch, pray, volunteer, be part of something bigger than yourself, learn to cook real food, start running - and not just from gluten, research your genealogy, buy a camera, get up earlier, adopt a mutt, for goodness sake. 

Because between you and I, your life expectancy is only determined by the plans God has for you and how you use the tools and natural talents He's put before you.

And frankly, He's only concerned about how you specifically answer 
which ironically
has nothing to do with internet connection. 

No comments:

Post a Comment