I had a routine wellness check nearly a month ago.
You know, the kind where they ask for your blood, urine, time, patience, insurance card and father's grandfather's uncle's health history.
I told the doctor that I thought he was healthy but passed at age 35.
World War I really took a toll on the young, healthy guys.
I was asked to sit alone in a quiet, cold room and proofread five pages of contact information followed by eight pages of health history.
How many times should I need to write my last name, middle initial and first name for one appointment, do you think?
How many times did I write "Bowman" rather than "Sankey"?
Perhaps year four is the ticket.
Then I moved into the health history questionnaire.
Every year prior, I've breezed through this bad boy like a college student who knew they were going to pass the class without regard to how they did on the final.
All answers were - proudly - marked NO.
This time was different.
This was the first time in a while that I was
2. Not in my car
3. Not in the shower
4. Completely focused on me.
This time I took the wellness survey quite seriously.
Do you have an existing and/or recent problem with:
Please explain all answers marked YES.
I haven't slept in 9 months
Daytime drowsiness: YES
I think not sleeping in 9 months may have something to do with this.
Recent weight gain/loss in the last 6 months: YES
I've teetered between the same 30 lbs. for the last nine months.
I eat a slab of rocky road nightly in hopes to bounce back into my pre-pregnancy jeans. They're my favorites and GAP stopped making them.
Sensitive ears: YES
There was a time in my life when I lived one block from railroad tracks and I never once heard the (4) night trains.
Today I can hear Mike Craig's (neighbor) cows bawl and I can also hear Caroline's toes wiggle. I can hear clouds move. Make it stop.
Shortness of breath when walking with other people at an ordinary pace on level ground: YES
Have you ever tried to push a stroller through mud while carrying a 5-gallon bucket of feed?
I didn't think so.
Wheezing that interferes with your job: YES
Heartburn that is not related to eating: YES
11 months of the 2016 Election
Pain in abdomen: YES
26 hours of labor.
Thought I was tough.
She's healthy and strong and it all worked out.
Pain in neck: YES
Numbness in limbs: YES
Sometimes when CJ (thats my daughter, not my husband) falls asleep in the recliner with me I wake up and can't feel or move my arms.
Wondering if life is worth it: YES
In the last week I have stubbed the same ingrown toenail on the same coffee table in the 5:15 AM darkness. Twice.
I submitted my clipboard to the nurse and took a cat nap on the paper table lining while she and her team analyzed my honesty.
The doctor came in the room six short minutes (I was counting on a 30-minute snooze) later.
She held on to her stethoscope like it was a necklace and crossed her legs like a friend moving in for a really raw chat.
"How are you, Lindsay?"
"I'm Well," I responded without thought.
She leaned in like a sister that knew too much.
"I have a seven-month-old at home and it's bull sale season.....Travel season for my husband," I responded without prompt. "And we're calving."
"You need to get that baby to bed earlier. Take daily walks. And shut off your phone after 9:00 every night."
I walked out of the doctor's office wondering if I was a hypochondriac.
Then I quietly assured myself:
Not a hypochondriac, I'm a mother.