Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Momma Picks Her Place

Momma and I we're riding to town not long ago when she said something completely out of left field. If you know my mother, you likely know that this isn't anything out of the ordinary. Her  spontaneity  keeps us on our toes, and laughs aplenty around Bowman Superior Genetics

We were driving,  listening to a cassette of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons when she dropped the bomb:

"I picked out my plot today."

"I'm sorry?" I asked, turning down the radio, heart in my feet.

"My grave. Final resting place."

"Mom, I thought you said your doctor appointment went really well last month? What do you need to tell me?" I asked, taking off my sunglasses, throat so tight.

Momma smiled a bit, "It did go well, but I'm at that age that I need to think about these things. Also, I heard last week that lot prices are going up soon so I wanted the lower rate."

"Alright, you know I hate these discussions, but lay it on me," I replied with great hesitation.

Momma didn't hesitate at all.

"Well that place is filling up! I had to go to the far south end to even get a parking spot," she said, as though we were talking about Target rather than a cemetery. "But I found one. And when I sit up in my casket I will be able to look across the cemetery and see Daddy and Mom," she said with a gentle smile, her mind drifting to a place other than Greens Fork, Indiana.

"Do you anticipate sitting up a lot in your casket?" I asked, half joking, half serious.

She ignored me. "They asked me if being next to a hydrant would bother me. I told them no, I've spent most of my adult life next to a hydrant watering cows and checking heat out in the pasture," Momma continued.

"Ahhh, good work Linda! A little piece of home for you!" I laughed.

"Besides," she continued, "I told them if they put me next to a hydrant you kids are more inclined to come water my flowers."

I responded to her quite suggestive comment, "Don't fool yourself; we're going for the silk option once they get marked down at K-Mart. You'll have tulips in August and greenery in March." 

"Yeah, you're probably right. But then I got to thinking the hydrant wasn't such a good idea."

"Why is that?"

"Well," she continued, "You know your brother. And the habit he's had since he was 7-years-old.....he'll forget to shut it off and leave the water running all night! Flood me right out of the hole."

How true that was. Linda had done her homework that afternoon at the cemetery.

"Ohhhh, good point. I hope you didn't pick the hydrant location?" I asked, impressed at Momma's odd assessment.

"Nope, moved west a bit. Never did learn how to swim."

" Dad close to you?"

She turned onto to College Corner Rd. then turned and looked at me, rolling her eyes.

"Seriously? Did you buy a plot and not get two?!" I asked, my jaw almost to hit the console.

"Oh, stop. I bought him one. We'll finally both get some rest without his snoring. No, seriously. I just need you kids to follow some instructions when that day comes," Momma said. 

"Oh boy......let's hear 'em," I leaned my head on the headrest. I knew this could be lengthy. Linda is a planner. 

"Well, I need you to lay me on my right side before they close the top. And take off my shoes. And my jewelry. And make it is tasteful. My jewelry, I mean."  

Don't worry Momma, you won't be going down in Mardi Gras beads that day, I thought to myself. 

"And, Jean, probably the biggest thing of all...."

I shut my eyes. Here it goes....

"Just make sure I have on coral lipstick."

In today's crazy world we can't accurately anticipate much. 
But on this Wednesday morning I lift a glass to predictable
ladies who are just head-strong enough to 
know exactly what they want - in this life and next. 

Betsy - Momma - Original Jean - Lindsay Jean - Laura 


  1. ....this is too cute!...made me laugh all the way through!

  2. Way to go Linda! Lindsay another good one!


  3. You'll all be in good company!


  4. Great story love it!

  5. HHAAA!! Oh my gosh! This is hilarious! And poor little Jean - we'll let you 'rest' next to us, hon.

  6. Absolutely too cute Ms. Lindsey!!! Luvs it!!

  7. Once again another great blog entry! Your mom is one of the sweetest ladies I've had the pleasure to meet! Your blogs are full of comedic relief while also being delightfully inspiring!

    - From the Western Slope

  8. reminds me of stopping in at 11 pm at your folks for a few beers. Wouldnt you know Linda came out with her lipstick freshly applied just as you said she would!