Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Truth Comes Out!

There are few times in my life when I’ve felt like I’ve been living a lie:
1. When I first saw a teacher off school property. I’ll never forget seeing my second grade teacher, Mrs. Lieberman, at the local grocery store. I stood there in awe, thinking, “She has a life outside school? Does she live in a house?! Where is her teacher pin with the apple on it? Why does she have fruit roll ups........are those for us tomorrow? Why does she have a magazine? I thought teachers only graded papers and came up with craft ideas??” Not only did it make my hands sweat, it made me question everything I ever knew. 
2. Santa Claus - being the season it is, this topic bothers me a bit too much to go into detail. Come April, perhaps I’ll have more to say...
3. When I learn real song lyrics. 

Oprah: The Queen of Frivolous Give-Aways
Martha Stewart: The Queen of Folding a Fitted Sheet
Lindsay Bowman: The Queen of Misinterpreting Song Lyrics

Not something I’m proud of, still I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll learn the real meaning behind a song 3 years after it's released. 

Let’s start with Dust on the Bottle in 1994:

Creole Williams lived down a dirt road
Made homemade wine like nobody I know
Dropped by one Friday night and said can you help me Creole
Got a little girl waitin' on me and I wanna treat her right

I got what you need son, it's sittin’ down in the cellar
He reached through the cobwebs as he turned on the light and said

There might be a little dust on the bottle
But don't let it fool ya about what's inside
There might be a little dust on the bottle
It's one of those things that gets sweeter with time
I always thought Creole Williams had dust on his Bible, bless his heart. Being a person that doesn't question one’s religious practices or beliefs, I didn’t even wonder why he kept his Bibles in a cellar. I also didn’t question why David Lee Murphy was stopping by this guy’s house to get biblical advice on a first date. I just assumed he really was that nervous.
Secondly, in 1998 I thought Mark Wills had serious problems as a controlling boyfriend when he sang these lyrics in “I Do (Cherish You)”

All I am, all I'll be
Everything in this world, all that I'll ever need
Is in your eyes, shining at me
When you smile I can feel all my passion unfolding

Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations seduce me 'cause I

I do, cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will, love you still, from the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much, I do
I thought he sang, “Your hair brush is mine, and a thousand sensations seduce me ‘cause I...”
Listen bud, if you think it's alright to control your girlfriend to the point where even her hair brush is yours, you have major issues. 

And to Mark’s gal pal: Run, don’t walk. I never understood how he could sing such a beautiful song, then slip in that creepy line and act like everything in their dysfunctional relationship was perfect. 
I was in 8th grade Health, where we learned the warning signs of unhealthy relationships. Sorry about that, Mark. 
 Another classic line I misconstrued was in Tracy Lawrence’s 1998 hit “If The World Had a Front Porch”:
If the world had a front porch like we did back then
We'd still have our problems but we'd all be friends
Treating your neighbor like he's your next of kin
Wouldn't be gone with the wind
If the world had a front porch, like we did back then
I’m certainly not proud of this, but I always sang this line as, “If the world had a front porch like we did back then, We'd still have our problems but we'd all be friends, Treating your neighbor like he's your Mexican, Wouldn't be gone with the wind”. 

BACK THE FORK UP - How could this guy get away with saying that? This time I certainly did question Tracy’s ethics and his idea of putting a reference to labor sourcing in a song.....and no one feel uncomfortable about singing it, but me. I sang that version for a long time, until the day Mom and I went to Richmond - she definitely set me straight (right after she nearly ran her Ford Taurus off College Corner Rd. because of what came from my mouth). 

In 2008 I had a chance to spend time with Tracy after a show he did for us in Reno, Nevada; That night I couldn’t help but tell him about my terrible misunderstanding; after choking on his beer, he just laughed it off - but I’m pretty sure he’ll never look at me the same way again. Probably because I’ll likely never see the guy again in my life. 
Perhaps the biggest misinterpreted song in my itunes collection is Garth Brooks’, “That Summer.” With out you laughing out loud at me, can I tell you I thought this was about a kid who went to Kansas for the summer on a meteorology internship? Bear with me as I (desperately) try to convince you to see my point of view. And yes, after growing up I do realize this song is not about any kind of field-based college education. 
I went to work for her that summer 
A teenage kid so far from home (Kansas is far from everywhere)
She was a lonely widow woman 
Hell-bent to make it on her own 
We were a thousand miles from nowhere (Kansas is far from everywhere)
Wheat fields as far as I could see 
Both needing something from each other (college credit and help in the field)
Not knowing yet what that might be.

'Til she came to me one evening 
Hot cup of coffee and a smile 
In a dress that I was certain 
She hadn't worn in quite a while (the dress was noticeably tight - see last verse)
There was a difference in her laughter
There was a softness in her eyes 
And on the air there was a hunger (see last verse)
Even a boy could recognize (he had been taught well - Purdue?)

She had a need to feel the thunder (meteorology - Check!)
To chase the lightning from the sky (meteorology)
To watch a storm with all its wonder (meteorology)
Raging in her lover's eyes
She had to ride the heat of passion
Like a comet burning bright (meteorology)
Rushing headlong in the wind (meteorology)
Out where only dreams have been 
Burning both ends of the night.

That summer wind was all around me (meteorology )
Nothing between us but the night (meteorology)
When I told her that I'd never 
She softly whispered that's alright 
And then I watched her hands of leather 
Turn to velvet in a touch (I assumed she took off her work gloves? Likely to cook the intern a nice, frontier dinner)
There's never been another summer 
When I have ever learned so much (I just hoped he earned the college credits he needed?)

We had a need to feel the thunder (meteorology )
To chase the lightning from the sky (meteorology )
To watch a storm with all its wonder (meteorology)
Raging in each other's eyes 
We had to ride the heat of passion
Like a comet burning bright (meteorology)
Rushing headlong in the wind (meteorology) 
Out where only dreams have been 
Burning both ends of the night.

I often think about that summer 
The sweat, the moonlight, and the lace (I will admit, the lace always threw me off)
And I have rarely held another 
When I haven't seen her face 
And every time I pass a wheat field
And watch it dancing with the wind 
Although I know it isn't real 
I just can't help but feel
Her hungry arms again (her dress was tight (above)....now I get it - - she was dieting!)
In my defense, I was in second grade when this song came out. I had a lot on my mind (like seeing Mrs. Lieberman at Miller’s IGA) and it certainly wasn’t the true content of this song. Admittedly, I was far past second grade when I realized (in major shock) the real meaning. 
Misinterpreting songs is, in some ways, fun because I view learning the real song lyrics the same as hearing the song for the very first time, ever. 
But friends, don’t even get me started on Reba’s, “Fancy”.


  1. I had a friend who thought Uncle Cracker's "Drift Away" said "Give me the Beach Boys and free my soul," instead of "Give me the beat boys and free my soul." But, the all-time worst, was the mother of someone I once dated, who thought instead of "I ain't no holler back girl," Gwen Stefani was singing, "I ain't no Harlem black girl." Yikes!

  2. Kansas is a long way from everywhere isn't it? I still look back on that surprise visit (although it was perfectly dreadful at first) once I opened that door and saw you two, wow, that was one of the most awesome gifts a girl could receive when she was lonely, missing her deployed husband, in a land from from anywhere! Thanks Lindsay Jean for the memories. I miss you!

  3. My favorite is Your Hair Brush Is MINE!

  4. soo funny...on the I do Cherish you...I always thought it was "I do Share a Shoe!" talk about slap in the face when I found out the real words! or another one..."Hold me Closer Tiny dancer" is NOT "Hold me close Tony Danza!" hahaha oh Good stuff!

  5. yeah well the old pearl jam song "GO" says over and over "dont go on me," and I believe it was spence taylor who thought eddie vedder was saying "DUNK THE WOMBAT." We were in, like, 7th grade- but i believe if hed been right, it wouldve been the first use of the word WOMBAT in any song....ever.

  6. I laughed so much throughout this post. I too have been known to mix up the lyrics on songs. There is this song by the All American Rejects called "move along" and I thought they were saying "mow the lawn" ....and even when you hope is gone mow the lawn, mow the lawn just to make it through...... It made sense to me at the time.

  7. Ha! I soooo thought he was saying Bible too...But, I have to tell ya, I knew what was going on Last Summer ;)

  8. Tears are seriously rolling down my cheeks as I read this to my husband. I can't believe you admitted your faux pas. I thought I was the only one who admitted my flaws!!

  9. Ohhhh Lindsey...This had me laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face as I read "treat your neighbor like your Mexican" to Rick.

  10. I had to laugh when I read this because I too for the longest time SWORE it was "dust on the bible"...I am famous for misinterpretation of song lyrics! Lol