Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Company Comes To Visit

Anytime there are more than two !!!!!!!!!!! or all CAPS on my calendar, I know it's serious. 

Last week it was house guests. 
Shorthorn friends. 
From Iowa. 
Who only visit if there is a production sale.
Or wedding. 
Or en route to the Ohio Beef Expo. 
But they aren't just Shorthorn friends. 
They are full-fledged-repurposing-upcycling-bargain hunting-crafty-as-all-get-out-friends.  
I felt a little bit of pressure. 

I went from zero to my mother in 17 seconds after hearing they'd like a tour of the new Sankey homestead. 
Because I want a farm hose that will drain and coil itself in -10º temperatures.
Doesn't mean it's going to happen. 

But, I prepared anyway, in the only way I know how: The Bowman Binge.

I swiftly walked through every room and into a pile too embarrassing to blog about, I threw anything that would not exist on a Country Living cover:

Living room:
  • Mail
  • Chargers/cords
  • A box of band-aids
  • Fireplace ashes
  • Shoes
  • Boots
  • Heating pads
  • Suitcases
  • Sale catalogs
  • Angus Journals
  • Hereford Worlds
  • Shorthorn Country issues
  • Cereal boxes
  • Granola bars
  • Cook books
  • Wine aerators
  • Travel coolers
  • Socks
  • Coozies
  • Invoices
  • Mail
  • Sale catalogs
  • Angus Journals
  • Hereford Worlds
  • Shorthorn Country issues
(Do you notice a trend?)

With no no artificial forces other than my arms, like horizontal windshield wipers anything that hit the ground automatically went into the Bowman Binge pile. 
Company was coming. 
Everything was to be out of sight. 
I did the dishes then wiped down the shower with same rag. 
I'm fairly certain Patrick wasn't going to check the shower, but just in case he did...
I got warm while dusting and went ahead and took off my sweater then sprayed Pledge on it to cut down on any visible signs of laundry. 
I put all sale catalogs into the oven and any mid-progress craft projects were stuffed under the spare bed. 
No shame: The Walls were coming. 

The house ended up looking great. I mean, Not even lived in, great. 

And all was well until four days later when Cody got home and began asking where certain things his breakfast granola bars. 
Can I just say, it's a lot easier hiding something when company is on the way than it is finding it days later?

Our text conversation, 3/17, 8:45 AM:

CS: Where are my granola bars!!!
Me: Crap. Basement. Sorry. 
CS: What? Why are they in the basement?
Me: I did a Bowman Binge before Walls came to see the house. 
CS: So why is the food in the basement?
Me: I didn't want it on the counter. 
CS: You know it's a kitchen, right? Where food belongs?
(No response from me)
CS: I don't care who is coming to see the house, we don't need to hide food. 
Me (several minutes later): Ummm yeah. 
CS: Lindsay they are not in the basement. But all of my Angus journals are??? Why are they all down here? Where are the granola bars??
I didn't text that, but I sure said it aloud in my office. 

I knew I was busted. And I had every intention of replacing all of the binged items before he got home from his trip. Dang it. 

Let this be a lesson: If you want to see the place, just show up. This will give you a realistic view of how we live.
Food on the kitchen counter and Angus Journals archived on the end table right next to 3 remote controls and a stack of mail that may still have Christmas cards in it. And a shower that needs a scrub down. 

Now, if you'll excuse me...I'm going to continue my search for the half-dead house plant that I hid somewhere during The Bowman Binge. Because you know, fancy people don't have dead plants. 

I could have sworn put put it in the washing machine and put the lid down, but the only thing I found hid in there there was my iPad?

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