Wednesday, May 2, 2012

My Diet Starts Tomorrow

There is certain verbiage that runs through a family.
These words span generations and create a familiarity that covers time. 

On Dad's side of the family the words that have traveled decades and generations come from Psalms 23:6. We sing the chorus of Surely Goodness and Mercy at every gathering of my large Bowman family: reunions or funerals. The music and harmony bring a certain peace to my heart.

On Mom's side of the family, the familiar words that have been recited countless times for endless decades are, "My diet starts tomorrow."

I heard this phrase twice on Easter Sunday as I stood in line for dessert. 
Ironically, there was no line for seconds on the spinach salad. 

My nephew Harrison 
May 1, 2012

My jeans have become a bit tighter than I'm accustomed to (I've never actually experienced baggy jeans. In my life. Ever.), so I've decided to go on a diet. 

The two most effective diets I've ever been on involved either 1) removal of body parts or 2) a broken heart. Since there isn't much left to remove when it comes to my tonsils and I have no plans of having a broken heart anytime soon, Monday night I did what any person who is trying to lose weight would do - I ridded my cupboards of any temptation. 

Only, instead of throwing away the junk food in the Tuesday morning trash run, I ate half a box of Triscuits with pepperjack cheese, polished off the butter pecan ice-cream, killed the last of the spicy-hot Cheeze-Its and went ahead and ended the rampage with what was left of the cottage cheese that I have no recollection of ever buying. 
Do you notice a trend here? 
I'm a real-life Dairy Queen. 

In theory, I should have woken up looking like the next contestant on The Biggest Loser and feeling terrible; Tuesday morning I fried bacon and eggs for breakfast. Had to get rid of it. 

I've heard people call themselves "emotional eaters" and sometimes I wonder if I'm not an emotional eater, too. I get strangely sad when I eat the last bite of raspberry sherbet. 

I went to the grocery last night and bought food to promote healthy eating. Like water crackers. In my defense, I do try to drink a gallon of water a day - even if it's in the form of crackers. They happen to go great with cheese. 

I get it honest. When my wonderful Great-Grandma Ruby passed away, I was given one thing  from her home. It wasn't the decades of journals that she wrote in every single day with out fail (she recorded the weather, what she cooked for every meal and any happenings around the farm - even on the three days she buried sons) or her old yearbooks or even her Damon Bailey memorabilia (not that I would have wanted it). 

I got her TOPS bracelet. 

TOPS, you ask?


Yep. I got the charm bracelet that documented Great-Grandma's weight loss journey. It isn't very long, in fact I'm convinced there are missing links. The ends don't even touch when I try to put it around my wrist. Good news is she kept two pounds off (sensibly) in 1971. You go, girl.

I remember being very young and sitting at The Original Jean's dining room table for a family event. There was pie. Over the span of an hour, I watched The Original devour several slivers of pie: from apple, pecan, chocolate, butterscotch. 
"Mom, have you had a piece of pie yet?" one of her daughters asked. 
"No," replied Grandma. "I'm on a diet," she responded.
My blonde ponytail whipped around and I cut her a look. 
She grabbed my thigh. 
"I've had slivers. Slivers don't count as pieces," she muttered under her breath to me. 
If my memory serves me right, The Original Jean had 7 slivers that day and never ate a single piece of pie. 
Well done. 

I was cruising down I-70 westbound yesterday and made a call to catch up with Momma. 

"I started my diet today! Doing great so far," she proudly announced over the phone line.
"Well, good Mom. But it's only 10:52 in the morning," I responded as I looked at the clock on my dashboard. 
"I know Jean. And I Am STARVING!! And, Aldi is having a sale on butter. If you're on that side of town this week, will you pick me up some? Remember, I always buy butter by the case."

.........My diet starts tomorrow. 


  1. Thanks for the laugh today! You are such a great writer and I LOVE reading about your family.

  2. haha...I can so relate to this! I have to say that by not calling it a diet and rather focusing on lifestyle changes, losing weight and making good choices has gotten easier over the past year and a half. Of course, trips to Purdue bars tend to help me pack it back on quickly, but it's learning to live with balance! :)

  3. Like our native Indiana cat Garfield likes to say, "Diet is DIE with a T in it." great memories. Life has to be fun. If you are skinny and not smilin', you are missing the whole point of life. (but there is a line between healthy and too much better pecan ice cream....been there, done that!) :-)